Friday Fictioneers 12/6/12

It’s time for another Friday Fictioneers. These are so addictive! I start looking for “This Week’s Photo Promt” on Tuesdays.

Copyright-Rich Voza

Copyright-Rich Voza

Painful Surprises

Why did Frank want me to meet him here? He knows I hate this house. I haven’t been able to come here for years.

He left a note on the front door: Find me.

I thought about turning around and going home.

Yet, here I stand in this hallway, my heart pounding in my chest. I slowly walked down the hall stopping briefly at each door. Tears welled in my eyes the farther down the hall I moved.

The last door had another note: NOT HERE!

I sighed, and turned back down the hall.

Word Count: 94

Edited (Thanks Amy)


62 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers 12/6/12

  1. Nice one, Mari! Mine is a similar I think. He’s playing a little hide-n-seek with her, but he took it a little too far. P.S. You may want to check the date and I think you mean your fourth word to be “want”? Hope you don’t mind me telling you…

    • mari wells says:

      Thank you, Amy. You’re right the fourth word should be want. My keyboard is being a big poop! It needs to be replaced, the keys are starting to give up on me. Thank you for telling me about the date. I know I hit that 2 but…
      He wants to take the painful feelings out of the house and make them happy.

  2. Sandra says:

    Sounds like one hell of a friend/lover. Better off without him, I say. I hate game players. Nicely done Mari.

    • mari wells says:

      Her father hung himself in the room “NOT HERE!”
      He has one of the rooms full of roses and proposes to her in another room. She just has to find it. He’s trying to remove the negative feelings from the house and make her happy there again.

  3. Brenda says:

    Makes me wonder what is going on……


  4. Jess Schira says:

    It’s a great story, but I’m with Sandra, if this is the type of game he enjoys, when he knows how she feels, she’s better off without him.

    • mari wells says:

      I explained his thinking. Sometimes men don’t think the way we do. I’m not sure if she changed her mind about the house or not. She was surprised when she found him.

  5. Sounds like a poltergeist to me, or at least a brat. That would be painful.

  6. Well-written, good atmosphere.

  7. rich says:

    i think this frank guy is either a real pain in the ass or a really fun person. based on the tears, i’m thinking pain in the ass. hmm. he better have a great surprise ready for making her go there. well done.

    • mari wells says:

      His reason is in my comments. I think under normal circumstances he is really fun why would she go otherwise.

      • rich says:

        she might have a pattern of following directions, doing what he says, in sort of a submissive way.

      • mari wells says:

        I’m not sure about that, it may be.

      • rich says:

        that’s what i’m thinking because of how direct he was, like giving orders, and how she followed them, even though it was emotionally painful. it might be more painful, physically so, if she did not follow directions. maybe.

      • mari wells says:

        He doesn’t beat her if that’s where you were going. He wants to marry her and loves the huge house, but she wants to sell it. Even though it’s been in her family for generations because her father killed himself in the house. The room he tells her not to go into is the one he hung himself in. He wants to keep her from that room, but make happy memories in the house.

      • rich says:

        yeah, with that explanation, i don’t think it’s wise or possible. he may not realize how deeply and painfully she’s been affected. and to tease her with notes, that’s worse. if he wants to do something good there, he’s got to walk with her, hold her hand, shoulder. not play games in a difficult place of painful memory.

      • mari wells says:

        If she agrees to his proposal, (undecided about that one) he will have to read your comments. πŸ˜€
        She’s still selling the house. πŸ˜€ No matter what he does.

      • rich says:

        atta girl. she is sticking to her guns.

      • mari wells says:

        I didn’t think she was submissive. πŸ˜€

      • rich says:

        i didn’t think so, but it fit the events as a possibility.

      • mari wells says:

        yes, I see where she comes off as submissive. Those 100 words are very limiting.

      • rich says:

        but in the limiting there’s also room for imagination to take over. that can be fun. so where i saw it as a submissive, possibly abused woman following directions even when it was emotionally painful, and someone else seems something else, that’s a great thing.

  8. boomiebol says:

    Sounds like someone likes to play games, and the other person not so much…very well done Mari

  9. Mari, what I thought when I read the story was that either he was being mean (yet again) or that something worse was coming when she left. I figured she still cared about him and was hoping things would turn out differently this time but they didn’t yet again. I don’t think 100 words were enough to convey your back story, but the story can stand by itself; it just comes across differently.

    • mari wells says:

      The tears and emotions come from the fact that her father killed himself in that room. If it hadn’t been for that, she’d love the house. However, because of that horrid event she hates the house. Frank wants to give her happy memories there so she will love the house again. She grew up in it, and all the happy memories she had are lost to the one of her father’s death. I see where he comes off as mean or demanding, but he really is just trying to make her love the house again.

      • Mari, I did read the comments and understand your entire story. What I was saying is that with the 100 words, more or less, you’re using in this segment of that story, you’re not going to be able to convey all that to the reader. Maybe you could have put this information in before the picture and your story so that we would know the information that’s essential in order to interpret the story the way you intended.

      • mari wells says:

        I didn’t know we were allowed to do that. I guess as long as the story was close to 100 words there isn’t a rule to what else we do. I will remember that in the future.
        I do get somewhat strange ideas and without explaining them, I totally understand where everyone was reading from. I appreciate your comments, they help me a lot.
        Thank you.

      • Even the 100 words isn’t a hard and fast rule and has been seriously bent a time or two. There are no Fictioneers Police (at least that I know of), so don’t worry about it and do what you need to do to convey your story. πŸ™‚

      • mari wells says:

        Thank you. I was afraid there was a Fictioneers Police and I be fined or stuck in Fictioneers’ jail for a few weeks for breaking the law. πŸ˜€ I don’t want to go to jail! I don’t have enough time here to call in any favors. πŸ™‚

  10. claudia says:

    Interesting take on all the door…seek and find! Only she didn’t find?

  11. Joyce says:

    It sounds like he is deliberately tormenting her with her bad memories, or playing a prank on her. Not a nice guy, it seems.

  12. wmqcolby says:

    Funny. It reminds me of something Jules Fifer might have done.

  13. brudberg says:

    I am not sure it’s the right method to get her into the house, and you have to ask yourself why, sometimes it’s just better to sell and move on. But it’s a story that opens up many new thoughts.

  14. Debra Kristi says:

    Before I picked away at all the comments and found out what really happened in the house and what was going on I figured he was trying to walk her to painful issues in her past to help her deal with them. Close. That’s a hard one. There’s probably no hope for that house, but he may have a harder time seeing that.

    • mari wells says:

      Once I’ve talked to them a little more. They’ve been friends for a looong time. He has very fond memories of the house, and knows she does too but can’t see the fond ones after the suicide. He would love to keep the house, but she totally has other plans. He was hoping proposing there would give her the little happy push she needed. They would both be happy in the house again.
      He had a rough life and her family was always very kind to him. In one way it was like his home too. He became a prankster to deal with the hard emotions he was dealing with. There will be a big fight, the house will be sold. They will be happy in a new house though.
      Yay, a happy ending.

  15. billgncs says:

    I enjoyed this, but I sense a cruelty in him. In few words you packed much emotion.

  16. glossarch says:

    That is one loooong hallway! I agree with most of the commenters in that he seems cruel in bringing her to this house. It has a haunting feeling. I wonder if he’s even there at all.

  17. Am I the only one who didn’t sense cruelty? Thanks for the explanations though, Mari. As for giving some prior explanation if it’s an excerpt or even if it’s not is okay.
    I have a dear friend who’s fond of saying “For every hard and fast rule, there’s an exception.”

  18. Pete says:

    If I was the guy, I don’t think I’d make her play hide-and-seek in that house. Seems cruel. Anyway, nice piece of writing.

  19. Hi Mari,
    At first I was a little confused. Thought he was just playing games with her. But after your explanation I understand that this is a multi-level story. This might be one of the times when you ignore the 100-word limit and expand the story to include more. Ron

  20. Parul says:

    This could end either way.
    The guy better have an explanation/surprise for the antics. Or he would have it from her. Interesting piece!

  21. Dear Mari,

    Without all the explanations we are left to wonder and wonder we did, judging from my reading all of the comments. My impression was that she should have just gotten the hell out of there after finding the ‘Not Here’ sign. But hey, that’s just me. (i think it’s possible you could have had more info in your story and have it have real impact as opposed to having to explain it in the comments section.) (but 100 words is a hard taskmaster, i know.)



  22. Abraham says:

    I was a little lost as well, until I read your comments.

  23. That’s just evil. Poor girl. Well flowed story πŸ™‚

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